You’ll be glad to know that the ever-vigilant folks at the Colorado Department of Health and Environment (CDPHE) have taken upon themselves the task of telling us about marijuana. Here’s an excerpt from a recent press release:
“DENVER—The State of Colorado today lauched (sic) a new website to answer common questions about the legalization of adult-use of retail marijuana and the health impacts related to marijuana use.
The website – www.colorado.gov/marijuana – includes answers to these types of questions:
· What are the long-term health impacts of marijuana use?
· Is marijuana more harmful to adolescents than adults?
· Is it legal to consume marijuana in public places?
· Can a person be charged for driving under the influence of marijuana?
· Is it safe to eat or drink marijuana-infused products?
· How do I talk to my child about marijuana?
“State agencies worked together to develop this website as a reliable resource for parents, consumers, tourists and others who want the facts about marijuana’s health effects and the laws in Colorado, ” said Dr. Larry Wolk, executive director and chief medical officer at the Colorado Department of Public Health and Environment.”
And you’ll be glad to know that CDPHE will also be “launching education campaigns that will have a television, radio, and social media presence.”
Is this latest manifestation of the nanny state another lib’rul plot a further legitimize the demon weed, or just an example of government overreach and incompetence?
It’s the latter. It’s clear that there are no jokers, smokers or midnight tokers at CDPHE. Instead, the malign spirit of 1930s supernarc Harry Anslinger must curl wraithlike around their desks, turning them resolutely away from the demon weed. Want to know what happens to you when you use marijuana? Read it and weep, stoners!
“Common effects of marijuana may include:
- Slower reactions
- Trouble thinking, learning and remembering
- Confusion, anxiety, panic or paranoia
- Fast heart rate
- Increased blood pressure
- Less interest in normal activities
- Dry mouth
- Red eyes
- Psychosis (rarely) — seeing or hearing things that aren’t real
Compared to other people, heavy marijuana users report:
- Less satisfaction with life
- Poor mental and physical health
- Relationship problems
- Less success at school or work
Using marijuana can make the symptoms of people with schizophrenia worsen. There are also links between marijuana use and other mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and personality disturbances, including a lack of interest in rewarding activities.”
And by the way – if you grow at home, bad things can happen!
“Change clothes and shoes when leaving your indoor grow area to prevent tracking of THC and growing chemicals to other areas of your home.”
So let’s see: Marijuana makes you unsatisfied, unhealthy, unsuccessful, unpopular and insane. That must be why so few people use it, and why it’s shunned by high schoolers, college kids, young people, and even aging hippies with gray ponytails.
But it’s not all bad. Amid moral, physical and spiritual catastrophes that befall those whom the devil weed ensnares, there’s a single rare side-effect: “A happy, relaxed or “high” feeling.”
You may think that this official website is absurd. You might even argue that the same information is available at WebMD or Wikipedia. You could make the point that the same government-approved information can be found on the website of the National Insitute on Drug Abuse. You’d be right, but so what?
You misunderstand the essential function of state government.
Whether marijuana is a good thing or not, it generates tax revenue. The sacred duty of CDPHE is to find ways to divert some of that revenue stream to its own budget.
State legislators would crucify CDPHE if it released information implying that smoking dope is harmless, relaxing, and even beneficial. But create a website full of solemn warnings about marijuana use and no problemo! The cash will be there.
Don’t believe me?
“We want people to know the laws and the long-term health impacts and to make responsible choices about marijuana use,” said Dr. Wolk. “We have requested $3.7 million this year from the General Assembly to keep the website up to date with the most current research and educational materials, and to promote this resource through a statewide outreach campaign.”
What, $3.7 million? To keep a website up to date??!! What have they been smoking?
I think we know.